Killing every single demon that walked out of Hell and destroyed your space station on Mars? No, that's not nearly good enough. Afterwards, you walk straight into Lucifer's doorway and blow every god damn demon, succubus, and Cyberdemon back to fucking Jesus Christ himself. All for the sake of saying you wrecked Hell with just a double-barreled shotgun.
Or maybe planet earth did get invaded by aliens. Maybe they were more powerful in numbers, intelligence, willpower, and strength than every single human ever. All except Serious Sam, whom steamrolls the entire fucking race carrying a monolith that shoots cannon balls at 88 m/ph, all while wearing a white t-shirt and jeans. Look at that SERIOUS face.
What about a bad ass who already died? That's not gonna stop Daniel Garner, who sets up a deal with Mysterious Faggot from Faggotville to kill all of Hell's strongest generals with a laserropesawblade, a freezerayautoshotgun, a shurikenthrowinglightninggenerator, or a jesuschristfuckingminigunturretrocketlauncherareyoufuckingkidd
ingme. God wins, again.
Or maybe, just MAYBE, it's a summer afternoon, doing your daily jazzercises, baking some bagels, and having a generally super day. Until you get teleported to an arena designed by Satan's personal cabinet, and get blown up within half a second before you realize you're somehow ressurected, and then get blown up again. You try and figure out what the fuck is happening before some guy, who you're pretty sure is smoking a cigar, jumps - yes jumps - faster than freeway traffic and blows your head off with a shotgun. Then you're ressurected and this repeats itself around 30 times until you realize you have no more aspirations, goals, desires, or purpose to live anymore. Your only choice, is to kill. Your only goal, is to kill. Your only desire, is to kill. Your aspiration, is to kill the best. Kill them good.
Oh, but those are old games. Damn those are old. They're not good anymore. If you like them, you suck. Because they're old. The definition of old is: not quality; the opposite of quality; shit. So what's a NEW bad ass game? Something that breaks the boundaries of awesome, you ask?
This game. THIS game. Are you serious? Seriously? Yeah I am. What's more badass than my step-father, that guy who belongs in Office Space, a bi-curious tattoo salesman, and some sandwich making bitch putting away those retarded stereotypes I just made up, because the entire country's been infected with a virus that makes them want to kill everything that's not them. Not eat, not rape, not infect, kill. By the by, only you guys and probably 0.5% of the population are naturally immune. So what you gonna do?
I tell you what you gonna do. You gonna take a pistol, a med pack, some pills, and a gun of your choice to blow away every fucking zombie that comes within 5 miles of you. You will be strangled, vomited on, and fucked in every orifice, but most of all, you will survive. You'll survive when sixty zombies break through a wall you thought was safe from breaking. You'll survive when that retard sets off the car alarm and you have no med packs, no pills, and are hopelessly limping on one leg. You'll survive when you hear the deafening scream of the horde come at you, and ONLY you, because everyone else is dead. You'll survive when the director decides to be a dick and have a smoker strangle you away from the group, with boomer vomit following suit.
You'll also survive when this will happen differently every single time the game is played, but is no less challenging. It's four people against the world, and it is bad ass.
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